Rainy Days

Hi loves.

Wherever you all are (Seattle, Portland, Oakland/Bay Area, Israel, Cambridge? Did I do well?), I hope things are going well. I'm just realizing that Betty still isn't on this thing--we really should hound her into fixing that.

I have almost nothing good to say about my life right now. :\ I feel like such a whiner all the time! One amazingly good thing is the relocation of one Margaret Bostrom to Boston/Cambridge. :) It's wonderful to see at least one of you on a regular basis, and the timing couldn't have been better for me. (I know it's not the most exciting place for you, Mags, but I'm appreciative nonetheless.)

Elise and I broke up a month ago, blah blah. She didn't think she loved me anymore, and that was that, I guess. It's longer/more involved but I feel ridiculous still indulging in the whole thing after four weeks. I still love her, which sucks a lot, but I've been pretty great about keeping my distance and letting my battered broken heart heal. I'm really not as bitter as I expected to be, so that's a bonus. I may actually see her tonight for the first time since I went to her place (the morning after the break up) to collect all my stuff. I can't help caring about her and in that vein I want to be able to be friends with her.. but I know not to expect that of myself for a while yet. Breaking up, in general, I can accept and learn from; what I really struggle with is losing that person from my life. Eh, everyone's been through painful breakups so I don't need to preach to the choir. I'm sure I'll fall in love again some day, even though the thought of it feels like a betrayal right now. I pretty much feel like I'm handling the whole thing just about as well as I possibly could, which is nice.

The other Big Bad Thing is my dad. You all know he's been sick and has lost his voice--turns out it's a neuromuscular disease, like ALS. It has recently spread to his lungs and while he's still able to breath mostly independently, it kind of just means it's a matter of time. I'm devastated and heartbroken and SUCH a daddy's girl, I don't even know what to do. :( We just have to wait and see how things go, and keep doing that until he dies, honestly. I'm just fucking beside myself, I don't even know.

I love you all so much, and I'm sorry I don't have happier things to update with. Everyone's being really supportive (except Elise! ha! but it's cool, I'm totally not bitter or anything) but since I'm a mess, I've been surrounding myself with as much love and comfort as possible. If you have any to share, I will take it!

♥ tocchi