Rainy Days

Hi loves.

Wherever you all are (Seattle, Portland, Oakland/Bay Area, Israel, Cambridge? Did I do well?), I hope things are going well. I'm just realizing that Betty still isn't on this thing--we really should hound her into fixing that.

I have almost nothing good to say about my life right now. :\ I feel like such a whiner all the time! One amazingly good thing is the relocation of one Margaret Bostrom to Boston/Cambridge. :) It's wonderful to see at least one of you on a regular basis, and the timing couldn't have been better for me. (I know it's not the most exciting place for you, Mags, but I'm appreciative nonetheless.)

Elise and I broke up a month ago, blah blah. She didn't think she loved me anymore, and that was that, I guess. It's longer/more involved but I feel ridiculous still indulging in the whole thing after four weeks. I still love her, which sucks a lot, but I've been pretty great about keeping my distance and letting my battered broken heart heal. I'm really not as bitter as I expected to be, so that's a bonus. I may actually see her tonight for the first time since I went to her place (the morning after the break up) to collect all my stuff. I can't help caring about her and in that vein I want to be able to be friends with her.. but I know not to expect that of myself for a while yet. Breaking up, in general, I can accept and learn from; what I really struggle with is losing that person from my life. Eh, everyone's been through painful breakups so I don't need to preach to the choir. I'm sure I'll fall in love again some day, even though the thought of it feels like a betrayal right now. I pretty much feel like I'm handling the whole thing just about as well as I possibly could, which is nice.

The other Big Bad Thing is my dad. You all know he's been sick and has lost his voice--turns out it's a neuromuscular disease, like ALS. It has recently spread to his lungs and while he's still able to breath mostly independently, it kind of just means it's a matter of time. I'm devastated and heartbroken and SUCH a daddy's girl, I don't even know what to do. :( We just have to wait and see how things go, and keep doing that until he dies, honestly. I'm just fucking beside myself, I don't even know.

I love you all so much, and I'm sorry I don't have happier things to update with. Everyone's being really supportive (except Elise! ha! but it's cool, I'm totally not bitter or anything) but since I'm a mess, I've been surrounding myself with as much love and comfort as possible. If you have any to share, I will take it!

♥ tocchi

Exciting news, friends! Lynn got a job! It will pay her money! And give her health insurance! And something to do while I am running around like a maniac at school and student teaching! We'll be able to get medication for our vomiting cat! This is totally worth all the exclamation points, FYI.

She has been looking so hard and for so long for a real job. I can hardly believe that it finally happened. Now she will be my sugar-lynn and feed me and take care of my every whim. (yeah, right.) But still, it is a thing of joy.

I am three weeks in to my half-time student teaching gig and I am exhausted. The apartment is a wreck and I go to bed between nine and ten most nights. I feel so old. I expect I'll adjust eventually, but for now the early nights and early mornings are here to stay. Speaking of running around, I have to go get ready for work now! I'll post more soon! So should you.

-Essie

It's finally spring in Paris.

I know most of you are (or have just returned from) occupying warmer climates at the moment, but it seems that spring has officially arrived in Paris, and I couldn't be more pleased about the change in the weather. For weeks, I sat through my morning French class watching the sun climb in the blue, blue sky out of the window, only to leave class at 1 pm to find the world gray and rainy. Today, it rained all morning and was sunny, gorgeous and warm all afternoon (save for the thunderstorm just before dinner...).

I packed away my winter coat into the suitcase under my bed weeks ago, and finally it seems like other people here are following suit, abandoning heavy winter wear and hats and scarves. I definitely saw some shorts today, and flip-flops have started appearing as well. I'm most excited about the fact that I can start picnicking in the parks and jardins and reading out of doors (though sadly there isn't much grass one can sit on in Paris, and I have been missing, a bit, the big green lovely lawns at Scripps).

I really love living here...it's horribly upsetting to me that I need to make some kind of plan about coming home; I was considering just hiding here, indefinitely, but a friend of mine is in the midst of some nasty visa issues which have dissuaded me from attempting that tack. If I decide to escape the states, I'll try to do it legally. My French has gotten quite a bit better, though according to my school, I'm still only on the "seuil," or "doorstep" of the language, at level 3 out of 6. Actually, doorstep probably feels about right. I can now talk to people in French, just not very well. And I screw up a lot, but it's alright. The only bummer is that I know if I could stay here longer...say a year, or two or three, I'd really be able to speak French. And when I leave in two months, I'll still be miles and miles (or kilomètres and kilomètres) away from there. But so be it.

Miraculously enough, I've made a few friends and we attempt to communicate in some tangle of French, English, Spanish, Italian and various other languages, depending on who's talking to whom. Most of them, like me, aren't planning to stay in Paris for forever (at least at the moment) so all these friendships will likely turn into the offer of couches and floors to sleep on in lots of different places all over the world, because they're a pretty voyaging bunch. So that's exciting.

And in other news, I miss you guys a lot, and send you lots of love and happy, sun-filled thoughts. And a few photos, too.

Are you sure you want to remove your connection to Nick Shepherd

That's what facebook asked me when I went to unfriend Nick. It was such a painful and unnecessarily confrontational question. Anyway, I couldn't handle my news feed anymore. The pictures from Vegas are going up. I can't tell which ones he's rolling in, but the alcohol is fairly obvious. I'm so sad. I'm so so sad. I suppose the time to get out of a relationship with an addict, or an immature douche (I'm not honestly sure which one he is) is when you first realize it, but I just hoped so hard that it wouldn't play out like this. It's so weird to try and navigate the logistics of breaking up with someone you lived with. He wants the apartment and I'm inclined to let him have it simply because I don't really want to live alone and I don't want to pay rent by myself. I don't know. It's all so full of suck. I'm really glad that my family lives so close and I'm really glad that I have a job that I love. I wish more of my friends were here. The four year old just called me and asked if I was coming in today. I told him that I didn't feel well (the truth) and that I didn't want to make him sick (also true but completely irrelevant to this particular situation). He then told me he was mad at me and gave the phone to his mom. It was completely adorable. And I look freaking awesome. For whatever reason the grief process makes my eyes pop and my skin looks amazing. I'm hoping that the looking fabulous and enjoying my day to day life will make things easier. It is super weird to be in the apartment without him though. My friend Rachel came and spend the night with me last night, which was really nice. I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I just wanted you guys to know. I miss you and I love you all so very much.

Hey all!

It is Saturday night and I am sitting in my living room, listening to music from the Glee soundtrack, smelling the turkey burgers Lynn is making. (I forgot about the broccoli and overcooked it, thereby ending my contribution to dinner tonight.) The cats are prowling around the apartment, chasing their tiny brightly colored rubber balls. It is pretty lovely and domestic all the the way around.

I have a week and a half left in the term and a metric ton of projects and tests left to do. All of my professors assigned "cumulative" projects that couldn't be started until we'd covered most of the material, which means that we heard about these giant projects last week. Fun times in SDEP land. We grouse a lot as a group, but we're getting it done. Next term I'll be student teaching at the same place I am now, but for twice as many hours per week. Only three courses next term, which I suspect will be nice. Then over the summer I plan to take a geography course (blah) and a sign language course (yay!) and work and cuddle the kitties. Then I'll have a whole year more left in my program. I can totally do this. (Rinse, wash, repeat as needed.) I can totally do this.

My mom is in Jamaica this week with her best friend from home, Eileen. And then she and I are going to MEXICO to see Lizzy, and I think that this is the only thing keeping me moving in the right direction. Poor Lynn will have to help me find a swimsuit, pack, send me to the airport and then be content to look at pictures and hear my wacky stories when I return. Good sweetie.

I love you all, and I hope that I'll see each one of you sooner rather than later. I'll be in Portland ALL summer long and still open for visitors!

-Essie

I'm finally posting

Which is mildly ridiculous since I was there at the conception of this blog brain child. But I'm full of fail and I'm moving on from that.

I moved. I think you all probably know that, but I did. I am out of my mother's house and living with Nick in an apartment near Lake Merritt. You don't know where that is, but suffice it to say it's by a rather pretty man-made lake with LOTS of birds and we're half a block away from it, which is lovely. We're also walking distance from Trader Joes, the bay area's second most awesome pizza place, and 9.2 billion cafes so it's a pretty sweet spot. It makes me wish I worked somewhere else so that I could ditch my car. The apartment is a complete mess and I have no idea what to do about that because the only thing I can seem to keep consistently clean is the kitchen, which I suppose is a start.

Work is good. The chicklets have been sick for the past two weeks which has been absolutely exhausting because they are not sick enough to really have depleted energy but are sick enough to fall apart when anything doesn't go quite according to plan. I'm hoping they'll have made a full recovery by Monday.

I'm enrolled in a Microbiology class. It's hard, partially because my teacher is a crazy person. On our first test the average was a 56 (he's not curving it) and he's currently teaching us Lamarckian evolution as if it were truth. I've met some truly groovy people though, so that's good and I love the labs because bunsen burners, microscopes, and having my hands covered in dye make me feel like a mad scientist.

I miss you all a lot. I think about the suite ladies pretty much every day and love you all madly every second. I hope everyone's life is currently treating them well and I look forward to stalking you through various media :) Love and kisses.

Happy Purim!!

I just wanted to let you all know that this weekend is your favorite Jewish holiday...Purim!!
The mitzvah for Purim in known as "ad she-at lo yadah"...until you don't know. This means you are required to drink, smoke, anything, until you reach the point where you don't know what is what. In other words...GO GET WASTEY FACED!!! We all celebrated here last night (Naama dressed me up as a Playboy bunny...I will try to get pictures so you can all see. We got me the most amazing boots for it for about $11!!), but the parties go on into next week so you all have plenty of time : )
I miss all of you and am hoping for updates soon (or at least Purim stories if possible).
Mika sends adorable puppy kisses to everyone.
Miss you all!
Love,
Rachel